The True Cost of Wanting It All

Photo by Chance Anderson on Unsplash

Job #1: Expose the doubt

The first best thing you can do it expose the doubt beneath the surface. I do it here so you can do it for you. Notice how doubt keep you in place, managing the reserves of your energy and keeping your version of success at bay.

It’s time to move beyond either/or thinking.

Either/ or thinking says you can have X or Y, but not both.

Start noticing the prevalence of this either/or thinking

I’ll be clear, my goal is to de-stabilize and highlight the limitations of this way of thinking. Until we see the scarcity beneath it, it will nag you and get in the way of redefining success.

There is an alternative way of thinking

What I’m not going to tell is that there aren’t costs to redefining success. They just aren’t what we’re told.

My vision for women

My vision is to help women claim their version of success. It seems, women naturally hold more things as important — they want challenging work and work-life balance. They want to make money and have lots of free time. So, if you’re up for redefining success, then gather all your dear sweet dreams up and let them know they can be included.

A Practice: Marinate in Your Desire

The pervasive belief of either/ or requires we accept some sacrifices and some trade-offs, and this requirement also means we have to temper our desire.

The Costs of this Practice:

  • Feelings are messy, unknown terrain. We don’t learn ways to be with them in school (my boys hold in sadness when injured at school). This is akin to beginning with A,B,C’s with your emotional fluency.
  • We have very little experience seeing how desire makes the difference. This isn’t law of attraction my friends, there is still work to be done in going for what we want. It will take time to trust having your heart in mix.
  • There are endless environments, people, expectations on us that say to contain our feels. You’ll need to find particular places and people who can do this with you and encourage you to feel fully.

The Gifts of this Practice:

  • Feelings are some of the best clues pointing to what you want and need. They hold an insane amount of intelligence that should you invite them along, you’ll be able to access.
  • A body relaxed into desire, is a relaxed body. Stress lowers. All the happy hormones (dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, endorphins) show up for the win.
  • As our capacity to be with emotions grows, we enjoy a particular kind of resilience that allows room for all the feels. No more disconnecting from the uncomfortable parts of life, no more numbing, hiding, avoiding.

Do you want a sweeter more satisfying version of success?

To begin marinating in desire is an important element of redefining success. I hope it will inspire you to feel for what matters to you.



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Susan Doerksen Castro

Susan Doerksen Castro

Entrepreneur & Integral Master Coach™ helping accomplished women redefine success so they can realize a new, more fulfilling agenda for their lives.